A lot of people fall into the ‘victim trap’ – believing their boss, partner, colleagues or others are to blame for the situation they are in. They think there is nothing they can do and feel like they have no influence and are powerless. However, blaming other people is like saying that they have control over us and our lives. If you don’t act, you are at the mercy of others. Is that really what you want? No! So take control of your life. Stop being a victim and give your life a new direction.
Even resilient people experience difficult situations and setbacks from time to time. They may sometimes grow despondent – but never for long, since they don’t look for someone else to blame and don’t wallow in their misfortune. Instead, they want to find a way out of their predicament – whether it is a matter of accepting an issue or changing it. What is more: They are confident that they will achieve this. The crucial point here is that we all have a large degree of influence over the way we think.
Which wolf wins the battle?
To illustrate this point, I would like to recount a short Indian folktale: An old American Indian woman tells her grandson: “A battle goes on inside every person between two wolves. One is negativity – he is the embodiment of fear, anger, sadness, contempt and guilt. The other is positivity – he is pleasure, gratitude, hope, inspiration and, above all, love.” The little boy thinks about this and then asks his grandmother: “And which wolf wins the battle?” The old woman replies: “The one that you feed.”
It is important to take responsibility for your own life. Decide for yourself which wolf you are going to feed. Choose the direction you want your life to take. This may require practice and may also involve certain setbacks. After all, if you play tennis and have grown used to holding your racket the wrong way, it takes patience and training to learn a new technique.
Controlling your thoughts
The majority of our thoughts are subconscious. This means that each day, we travel along mental highways. If we now gradually become aware of these thoughts and change them from negative to positive, we will initially find ourselves trying to navigate along a narrow ridge. However, the more we practice, the broader that path becomes – it will develop from a lane to a highway. Equally, the negative highway that you started out on will gradually disappear until only a trail is left. In the beginning, you will feel like you are only just learning to follow a positive line of thought but by the end, this will happen automatically.
In my next blog, I will explain a specific method that you can learn in order to control your thoughts.
© Claudia Kraaz